The Healing Grove

My husband and I owned a pagan bookstore on the East Coast, which became a teen hangout. Inevitably, one of the girls confided that she was being sexually abused. Have you thought about what you would do in this situation? Your first impulse may be to call the police. Call your local rape crisis center (RCC) or RAINN instead. Some RCCs will have a trained counselor accompany the victim to the hospital, shelter, police, or whatever resource is the most appropriate for him. (If you are required by law to report to your state’s child protective services or the police, please follow the law. This advice is intended for nonprofessionals only.)

Never try to force an abuse victim (or adult survivor, for that matter) to give details, or tell others. Sexual abuse victims are usually embarrassed and ashamed. Let them tell as much as they are comfortable with. Assure them that you will keep their confidence, but don’t promise you won’t call the RCC. Of course, honor the confidence. Teens often won’t call an RCC. If the victim won’t talk to the RCC, talk to them yourself. They’ll advise you on the best course. Unless you are a trained therapist you shouldn’t try to handle the situation yourself.

If your first impulse is denial or disbelief, please be aware that the rate of false reporting for sexual abuse is the same as for any other crime–less than 1 in 100 in the US. It’s hard to face the unpleasantness of sexual abuse. It’s easier on adults to assume the child or teen is lying or exaggerating for attention or revenge. You may know and like the person accused of abuse. Please put the minor’s safety first. If there’s the remotest possibility that any abuse occurred, call the RCC. Don’t try to confront the parents, or the abuser. The abuser won’t admit to a felony. The family won’t want to admit the truth to themselves or others.

The Healing Grove is not intended to replace professional help. If you have been abused or are being abused, or know a minor who needs help, the first place you should go online is Rape Abuse Incest National Network 1-800-656-HOPE for immediate help. Canadians can go to Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres . Remember, abuse is never the victim’s fault.