The Healing Grove

Welsh Tradition Lecture

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:54:25 +0000

Welsh Tradition Lecture

Ed Buczynski

Introduction

Carol Bulzone of Enchantments

[This article was originally published in the Oct. 2001 column An Elder Speaks, on the Enchantments Inc. website. It is republished here with the gracious permission of Lord Tuan.]

YOU ARE IN FOR A RARE TREAT!

In the early 70’s, Eddie Buczynski brought our coven’s Gardnerian Book of Shadows to New York. The book originated in Perth, Scotland, then went to England—then to Kentucky and finally to Eddie in New York (via Ray and Rosemarie Buckland and their off-shoots.) Eventually, the Bucklands moved to the States too. Because he was entrusted with this secret knowledge, Eddie was often referred to as “The Messenger of the Gods.”

Eddie took his research and combined it with the structure from our original Scottish books and with the divine inspiration of the Gods—created (with Carol Bulzone of Enchantments Inc.) an outline for the “MINOAN TRADITION” - Sisterhood and Brotherhood. Now, Gay Witches—both female and male had an original, ancient tradition of our own!

The groups were predominantly Gay. The Minoan Sisterhood delved into secret women’s mysteries. The Minoan Brotherhood delved into sacred male mysteries.

LORD TUAN was gracious enough to provide us with a recently found copy of a audio tape recording of Eddie Buczynski made somewhere in the early 70’s. We do not have an exact date or even location where Eddie gave this “live lecture” on the Welsh Tradition (somewhere in NYC). The Welsh Tradition was Eddie’s first tradition. He was a Welsh High Priest long before the concept of starting the Minoan Tradition was ever thought of. As you read this transcript of his lecture bear in mind that he was very young when it was delivered and many - not all - of his belief system changed and evolved in his later years. We extend our heart felt gratitude to Lord Tuan for providing us - and now you - with this rare glimpse into the profound teaching of Eddie Buczynski - when he was still “Lord Hermes” - from the early 1970’s.

Welsh Tradition Lecture

Lord Hermes

(transcript from a audio tape)
Buczynski: Good evening everyone and Merry Meet—as the Witches say. My name in the Craft is Hermes and I’m the High Priest of a Welsh Traditionalist coven. Tonight I’m going to talk to you about traditional Witchcraft. Now the term traditional Witchcraft can really mean anything. Each section in England, each section of the continent, each section and country of the world has its own traditional Witchcraft. I’m going to explain to you my tradition and try to co-relate it with other traditions—to clear it up. Before I can explain traditional Witchcraft, let’s ask a question “what is witchcraft?” Well, we, the Witches call Witchcraft Wicca or Wicca craft. And, in ancient Anglo-Saxon, Wicca craft meant the Craft of the Wise. Wise not meaning book learned or extremely intelligent, but people with the know how. We know how to do things. Wicca is a pagan religion. We worship the forces that are within nature—symbolized in a Goddess and a God—which are symbolic of the universal female and male which exists in all living things. The Wicca celebrate Life as opposed to the death orientation of the major religions of today. Now, by death orientation I mean people going around worrying too much about where they’re going to go when they die. Now, it’s a shame that Christianity which was originally a celebration of the “birth” changed into a crucifix worshipping religion. The crucifix being something symbolic of a very, very horrible and disgusting death. Torture. It would be nice to see Christians going around wearing symbols of the “risen Christ” which is symbolic of the rebirth—rather than the symbol of his death.

And, of course, the Wicca use magick. What is magick? Magick is many things. Magick is the art of doing things in conformance with one’s own will. That, I think, is a pretty good definition… definition of Magick. What is a Witch? I’m a Witch and some of you out there are Witches. A Witch is a properly prepared and trained priest or priestess of the Gods of nature.

All the Wicca are Priests. Everyone in a Witch coven is a Priest or a Priestess. There’s no congregation as in all the major religions of today. Now, why is this? Well, we the Traditional Witches, the Traditionalists, believe that when the persecutions, the Burning Times which we call them began the Priests and Priestesses of the Pagan cults throughout the countries, throughout the regions that people were being burning in, banded together and hid in the hiddles and woods—in the rough country. They hid in order to retain the teachings and the secrets of their religion. The beauty of their religion. And, these became the “Wicca Covens.” Originally, Witchcraft was nothing but paganism. Witchcraft doesn’t exist until the Middle Ages, until the Burning Times actually begin. Before that it was just paganism. It was the religion of the people—the general religion. Ok, so these became the Wicca Covens and this is how we’ve managed to survive and keep our religion going until today.
Naturally, a Priest of a religion, would be the last one to defect from it… dedicating one’s own life. A priest of a religion dedicates one’s own life to the religion. So, only those prepared to accept the responsibilities of the Priesthood were permitted to “join” the Wicca and join into the covens. And this was continued on and has been continued on until today. And, it still is continued. We’re still a little shaky about having a congregation. We can’t “come out” to the open. Not all of us. Some of us do.

This is also the main reason why the rituals and the names and the spells are kept so very secret. Up until very recently, Traditionalists were completely underground. There are many revivals—Witchcraft revivals which rose to the surface but we’re sort of the “conservatives” of the groups. And, we stayed underground for a long time. My own coven—up until 3 years ago was underground and any time I asked one of my elders if I could “go public” and come out into the open, I was told that if I didn’t remain underground— perhaps the persecutions would begin again. This might sound ridiculous but these people were taught by their parents and their parents were taught by their parents in an unbroken line from the Burning Times. And, the biggest fear was burning—hanging, the persecutions.
Now, what is Traditionalist Wicca? Traditionalist Witchcraft? It’s the way the old religion was practiced during the middle ages—in the different regions of England, Wales—the continent. And, the teachings and rituals were passed down from mother to child—from father to child—down and down and down. And, that is why they’ve survived today. I was taught myself by a High Priestess who has an unbroken line in her family of High Priestesses going back to the 12th century. Perhaps farther—but the records only show 12th century—as far as that.

Most Traditionalists worship robed. Unlike many covens that worship nude - which they call “skyclad.” Personally, I can’t see any reason for Witches to ever have worshiped nude. Especially in England. If anyone’s familiar with the climate in England—it’s a quick way to get pneumonia, rheumatism or what have you. However, they’re doing their own thing. Ok. We worship this way—we worship robed so that we’re equal within our circle, within our rites, we’re all equal. I’m a High Priest and my High Priestess is here tonight. Some of my coven are here tonight. In the circle, we’re all equal. A High Priest and a High Priestess are just figureheads—sort of like the Queen of England. They’re present to do some of the rites to lead some of the rites but we’re all equal within the circle. Within my coven we wear robes of red cloth. Red was the most sacred color amongst the ancient Welsh. I know many covens who wear black robes. Black being a good color for anonymity. Another reason for being equal. Now we believe in and worship a Goddess. Now this Goddess is representative of the female forces within nature.

She is the Great Mother of all living. We call her the Great Mother of All Living and the Queen of Heaven. And, She’s symbolic of earth—which is our Mother which is the Mother of us all—the earth. And, she is reflected as the moon—which controls most of the powers on earth, the natural powers on earth. The phases of the moon make her a triple Goddess. The waxing moon is the maiden, the maiden aspect—the young woman—the young Goddess—the lover. The full moon is the Great Mother. And, She is the principle object of our worship. The waning moon is the wise old grandmother aspect. But sometimes she has a very terrible aspect symbolic of the dark mystery that is “woman.” In places you’ll hear her referred to as “the sow who eats her own young.” But, this has very esoteric meanings. Though it sounds so shuttering and horrible—it isn’t quite that horrible.

Her names. Her names are kept a very close secret. Amongst covens the names of the Goddess differ. Each coven usually has their own name for the Goddess. Their own names for the Goddess. We use these names as mind triggers to power. For example, say you belong to a Witch coven… and you’re driving out in the woods late at night—no one around—far from a phone—and you have an accident with your car. And there you are. You manage to get out of the car and you’re lying on the ground—and you can’t move and you need help desperately. It’s not your time to go. You want to live. You love life.

So you call upon the secret names of your coven. You call upon the Goddess with the name secret to you and your coven alone. And, this triggers the subconscious—the superconscious of your mind and helps you to get help. At least to give you the strength to walk and try to help yourself. Now, I’ve seen this done. Many people have seen this done. I wouldn’t be surprised if every Witch has seen this and used this at one time or another… perhaps, many times.

Research Guidelines

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:47:03 +0000

Academic researchers, psychologists, writers, college students and others often ask incest and molestation survivors to volunteer for their research. Survivors are typically eager to share their stories, despite the pain this can cause. We want to educate the public about the prevalence of sexual abuse, its prevention, and its effects on the lives of survivors. We want to help professionals develop more effective and compassionate treatments. We want the secret survivors, who have not yet reached out, to know they are not alone.

Your questions may “trigger” flashbacks and other aftereffects, so please be as careful as possible. Survivors will often share things they have never told another soul. The experience can be healing for them, or it can be traumatic. Many of us have been threatened with retribution, including death and torture, if we were ever to tell about the abuse. Survivors need to be treated with dignity and respect. They are giving you a precious gift. The courage and grace of my fellow survivors never ceases to amaze.

Researchers, please not to post in the Yahoo! Group or in the guestbook. A man posing as a researcher posted in the group and harassed a survivor. The members are willing to help legitimate researchers despite the pain this man caused. I will post your requests for research volunteers in the club and/or on the website if you meet the following conditions:

Provide at least 3 references. These can be college professors, licensed clergy, licensed therapists, professional editors, etc. Include all relevant contact information: name, title, affiliation, e mail address, street address, phone number.

If you are a student:

contact information for the professor or licensed therapist overseeing your research
title of the course the research is for
the degree you are working on.

Previous publications, if any.
Your academic credentials and licensing information, if applicable.
Contact information for your editor if you are a writer [freelancers can use editors they have previously worked with].
A thesis statement [the purpose of your research].
A copy of your questionnaire. If you are interviewing, a list of the questions you plan to ask.
If you will be conducting telephone or face-to-face interviews, your phone number and the best time for me to call you.

A Garden of Healing: Poems by Survivors and Their Allies

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:38:11 +0000

A Gift to the Healing Grove
from The Fae Gatekeeper of Dreams

Let your hearth welcome me with warm flames
as warm and soothing as your arms
away from the tyranny of reality
and those that will pain you with regret

Let your branches cling to me with hope
That I shall always persevere
and forget dismal thoughts and nightmares
overshadowed by your inspiration

For many have suffered
through pain
hatred
and lack of compassion
but in your grove, survivors find
unconditional, undying love

http://www.faegatekeeper.com

Introduction

The poet John Keats said, “truth is beauty, and beauty truth.” It takes great courage to tell the absolute truth, from the depths of your soul. It takes even more courage to show that truth to the world. For survivors of incest, molestation, and other abuse, the challenge is magnified a thousandfold. These poets have overcome shame, powerlessness, threats, fear, even danger to their lives, to share their truth. The act of taking your emotions, your pain, the ugliness of your past and shaping it into art, of expressing your soul’s truth, is incredibly powerful. It frees our minds and spirits.

Reading these poems can be difficult, especially if you are a survivor. They aren’t graphic or explicit, yet the emotions they evoke are very strong. So go slowly and savor them. And know you are not alone. If you are not a survivor, you have been given a precious gift. You will gain insight into the pain of abuse, the consolation of spirituality, and the transformative power of creativity. Above all, you will see the beauty, grace and courage of the human spirit. Enjoy.

Poetry
by Wiccan and Pagan Survivors

Strength by Kelly Ruger
Untitled by chris van dyke
Mother Mary and Me by Holly Harwood Goodwin
Untitled by sparkalittlefire
Untitled II by sparkalittlefire
My Bardic Heart by sparkalittlefire
an ode to my birth mother by sparkalittlefire
Untitled III by sparkalittlefire
Untitled by mysoulwhispers
What the Mirror Saw by mysoulwhispers

Support Groups for PTSD Survivors Can Help - Wellness Coach

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:55:58 +0000

Trauma of any kind has a long lasting effect on individuals and it is important that PTSD (Post Trauma Stress Disorder) survivors know that there is help and to be ok with asking for help. Shame plays a large role in PTSD and many victims feel that they are weak because they can’t get a handle on their lives. Then they develop survival behaviors, which in fact, do not serve them at all and a vicious circle begins.

When PTSD survivor problems and feelings are not recognized and honored as real and they are not heard, understood, acknowledged for these feelings it creates them to stay stuck in the pain and dysfunction of their trauma. Then the denial sets in and other forms of trauma sets in from people and other areas, because the needs are not meet by the victims. Many times this can lead to acting out in socially not acceptable behaviors and various kinds of addictions, which can further traumatize the PTSD survivor.

Finding recovery and support groups can be very daunting as the shame and not wanting people to know there is something wrong with them is over whelming for them. Many feel that if they keep the secret and just keep trying to look normal, no one will know and maybe, just maybe it will get better. This just creates a larger and darker circle around them and they tend to think that there is no way out

Recovery in PTSD can tend to be slow and it is referred to as taking small baby steps and accepting when there are setbacks and just slowly moves forward again. This is where support groups and coaching comes into play and are very useful for recovery. PTSD survivors need to be heard and be able to talk about their feelings without and judgment or comparisons and to feel that they have a voice in what their pain is.

Many times change is a huge challenge, as the trauma can almost feel like their friend, as it is the only feeling they can feel, and if that goes away, they wouldn’t have anything. This is called emotional numbness and it is very elusive and confusing, and just little steps in testing this out is what can work for them to see it is ok to let the trauma go.

Support groups are great because all the members can share their coping skills and new ideas and methods can be shared, learnt and developed. Many times PTSD survivors have an aversion to therapists as they represent authority figures, which either they have a fear of or no confidence in, as no one was there to protect them. In the support groups they are all survivors and can identify with each other.

In the groups each individual is encouraged to explain and share their own unique experience and trauma and to respect the other members stories and to look for the similarities not the differences and to find what the each have in common and to share in their growth together.

About the Author: Darlene has researched, practiced and implemented many spiritual and personal growth paths and now offers these services for her clients: Wise Woman Teachings Wellness Coach; Crystal Readings for Vibrant Living; Gentle Touch Energy Healer; Spa Treatments for Vibrant Living. She resides in California in her own personal wellness center and sanctuary. She brings her wisdom, knowledge and spiritual self to you in all that she does. Darlene’s mission is to teach and encourage individuals how to find and maintain their inner balance for the mind, body, spirit connection; which brings peace, joy and prosperity into their lives. Receive her free Inspiration For Daily Lives Newsletter at Spirited Boutique Darlene Siddons

Self Affirmative Exercises for a Brand New You

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:32:40 +0000

[Ed. Note: We do not recommend subliminals as our personal opinion is they interfere with the Will. The choice is yours. Affirmations, on the other hand, made it possible for me to fall asleep in a bad. I repeated "my bed is a safe place" 3 times, at least 3 times a day, in the privacy of my own home. I felt stupid at first, but it worked! Try it for yourself. You have nothing to lose and it's free.]

by: Greg Frost

Positive affirmations, when worded optimally and charged with emotions, are able to tap into the boundless power of the subconscious mind. There are many exercises and techniques that can help you achieve the benefits of positive affirmations, by putting the subconscious mind to work for you.

1. Repetition

Constantly repeating the positive affirmations will become a good habit that results in self-improvement. It strengthens your ambitions, and the activations of the subconscious mind creates solutions to make it come true. By repeating your affirmations several times a day in present tense, they will soon become an extension of your daily thoughts, making it easier for your subconscious mind to work on.

2/ Belief

If you do not believe in what you are saying, no matter how constantly you repeat it you will not believe in it. This will build up more resistance, and hamper you from achieving your goals.

3. Clearing your subconscious mind

Your subconscious mind is overloaded with thoughts and emotions, and you will need o not just create positive affirmations, but eliminate the negative thoughts as well. After you’ve cleared the negative thoughts, you can then move on to inculcating the positive thoughts you would like to see bear fruit.

4. Music

Music serves as a tool to amplify your emotions. When positive affirmations are charged with positive emotions, it can produce amazing end results. The use f music tends to make individuals more receptive to new thoughts and positive affirmations. For example, listening to music with a fast beat is liable to get your feet tapping along, and recalling something strongly associated with the theme of the music.

5. Goal

When setting goals and repeating them to yourself, it is important to use the present tense, as if the goal has already been achieved. This translates into the use of positive words that reflect the now, and not the future. This is with the ultimate goal that you will over time come to believe it to be true, embedding it into your mind and allowing the subconscious to work.

6. Reminders

Constant reminders are a valuable tool for reflecting the positive qualities that you already possess, or have achieved. These constant reminders need to be used regularly to maintain positive feelings and thoughts, and belief in yourself to achieve the goals that you have set out. Make it a part of your daily ritual and incorporate it into your life, so that it gives you a positive vibration.

About The Author

Greg Frost is a coach in helping people unlock the power of their subconscious mind to improve every aspect of their daily lives. Click Here to Grab your Free “Ultimate Success Unleashed” Subliminal Cd today at http://www.chargedaudio.com

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Five Ways to Write About Your Anger

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:18:51 +0000

By: Lael Johnson

Most people have mixed feelings about feeling and expressing anger. Various influences suggest everything from practicing extreme self-control, holding it all in (end result: stoicism) to showing no boundaries about sharing anger at all(end result: anarchy). Finding the middle ground is the place where you can communicate feelings and the facts of a given situation, without hurting or blaming the other party, and vice versa. When this first scenario occurs, you are creating more space for positive communication changes to occur. When communication is less than ideal, continuing to express anger in old ways will reinforce old habits., aggravating an already difficult situation.

I’m recommending the following journal exercises to assist you in finding more positive ways to express your anger, and become a better communicator. When I have shared my feelings, and the other party has been receptive, I’ve been surprised at how calm I became, compared to how uncomfortable, I felt prior to sharing my feelings. I also have had some situations where I either didn’t receive a response or the other party remained silent. What is most important in any situation, is that I reached out and began the process.

Here is your exercise list:

ANGER SCRIBBLE:
When you have a strong reaction to a situation, start to pray and write about it. Remember to include a detailed description of your strong feelings including the facts of the situation. Remember to use as much space on a page as you can when you scribble. After filling a page, choose one scribble, and start drawing a specific shape over your scribble. Continue to scribble over the shape until you are finished. (e.g. You may feel tired or relieved. Your words may slow down or you may run out of time to write.) When you notice any of these reactions, it’s time to stop writing. Wait a few minutes for everything to settle, then move to the next exercise. (Note: You may substitute any ritual here if praying isn’t a good fit for you.)

UNSENT LETTERS:
This exercise is an effective way to communicate feelings and information to yourself or to someone else. You can write unsent letters, when it might otherwise be hurtful to speak directly to the other party(ies) You can also write unsent letters on any topic (positive or negative). Unsent letters also provide a great place to practice your lines. Whether you write a series of unsent letters or one letter, your feelings will become less intense. Then you can prepare to have a calm conversation with the other party. You can write as many unsent letters as you want. When you write your unsent letters, you give yourself permission to feel the intense emotions that surface around a specific event. At some point either during, immediately or after you’ve written your letter, you will gain clarity about your part in the situation. You will also learn to evaluate your responsibility as well as the other party’s responsibility in the same situation. When you are calm again, you will be more prepared to make changes, including asking for a more specific communication change from the other party. You can continue to follow-up your unsent letters with prayers of blessing for the other party. As you continue to bless the other party, room is made for positive changes to happen in yourself and the other party. When you write an unsent letter, it demonstrates your courage and willingness, to make serious changes in a difficult situation.

WRITING A DIALOGUE:
Writing an imagined or real conversation you had with the other party, can help let out some of your anger. It’s useful to put words or images to your feelings. Start your dialogue with two voices, the letter “A” (for your voice) and “B” (for the other person’s voice). Be sure to allow both voices time to speak.

Don’t worry about writing a perfect dialogue. Use as much detail as you can. Your descriptive skills will improve with each unsent letter that you write. For example, if I feel my anger burning like fire, then I would want to say “I’m burning up over this situation.” If I am feeling a sense of resentment (something deep, quiet and very intense, that never quite goes away, then I might say, “I’m really frustrated about _______ now, can we talk about it for a few minutes?” Remember that no intense feeling is worth ignoring. It’s much better to express your feelings a few at a time, than to pay the price of those same feelings causing problems for you in the future.

“I AM FEELING” STATEMENTS:
Writing sentences that begin with “I am feeling .” is a good way to verbalize all of your feelings about a difficult situation. I want to remind you that may express other feelings along with your anger. When you start your journaling, focus on your anger first, then write about your other feelings. I suggest that you write a minimum of ten feeling statements. Put the list away. Move on to the next exercise.

DRAW A PICTURE:
Draw several pictures of your anger. All types of drawing are allowed. Remember what I said about “My anger is burning.” Write a visual image of your anger. I want you to use as many senses in your picture as you can. (Note: you may also use this exercise to visualize other strong feelings)

COMBINE WORDS AND PICTURES:
Now look at your list of “I am” sentences. Match as many of your picture(s) with your “I am feeling.” sentences as you can. (For example: I am feeling angry about.put a picture of a fire next to the written statement. When you are finished, circle one or two combinations that best describe your current feelings. Be sure to write a summary sentence about your two choices.

STARTING CLOSURE:
Let’s stop and review the work you’ve already done. You have written an initial unsent letter about your ang
er. You’ve explored some of your feelings in detail. You’ve summarized your feelings using a combination of drawing and writing. Now write one action you could have taken to keep the earlier situation from accelerating. Write another sentence describing one action that the other party could have taken. Write down one positive action you are willing to take to change your anger expression now, remember to include a specific completion time and date. If you pray, start praying for good to come to the other party. I would recommend that you pray for at least a few times a week working up to praying daily for a month or until your strong negative feelings disappear.

Take your time working through these exercises. If you find yourself, unable to move on to the next exercise. Then write a short paragraph why you don’t want to move on. Take a break and start the new exercise the next day. Look forward to celebrating your freedom from past buried feelings.

Author Bio
Lael Johnson, owner of Writer’s Eye Advisory Service, offers creativity coaching services and additional writing resources. Visit www.writerseye.com for more information.

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Dealing With Aggression

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:14:32 +0000

By: David Ferruolo

Sometimes life can be very confusing. We strive to walk a spiritual path, being accepting and forgiving. We smile and send blessings unselfishly to all that cross our path. We meditate and pray, but how do we deal with negative people when their wrath is directed at us?

We are all still human, and we have feelings, and yes, egos. When aggressive, angry people confront us, it is sometimes hard to keep that ego in check. Dealing with someone who is acting out of fear and insecurity can also be very tough. How do we gently thwart an abusive aggressor and still hold true to our beliefs and spirituality? It is a hard road, but I can offer some basic suggestion, which have helped my tremendously over the years.

Let spirit guide you.
Always trust your higher self to guide you to the correct course of action. Listen to your inner voice and discern what your emotions are telling you. Separate ego thoughts of retaliation and defense from those loving, caring emotions of your soul. Remember the ego will always defend by attacking or withdrawing, so we must know and curb our ego and settle into our spiritual higher selves. When we think and act out of love, we will always pick the correct actions.

Try to See and agree with their point.
We sometimes can understand the motives behind peoples actions if we give thought to their situation. Remember there is no right or wrong, there is only different points of view and opinion. So seek to see the other side of the disagreement. If you know the abuse towards you is unwarranted, and you cannot see the truth or motivation behind the situation, just calmly listen to what they have to say. You don’t have to agree with them, but do strive to know why they are acting the way they are. Listen intently to what they are saying. You can rebut with something like; “I understand that you are felling a certain way, and that I perhaps did something to provoke these feeling, but I did not intend to cause this situation. That was not my intention and I apologize. I hope that you feel better soon, and if there is something I can do to help, please let me know” Simple as that.

Let them speak, and be truly interested in what they say.
The ego is a simple thing to understand. Give it your undivided attention, and it is happy. If you are sincere when listening to others, it satisfies the basic need of attention and they will be less aggressive (most of the time, anyway). Like I said before, sometimes people just want to be heard and noticed. So listen and let them know you see them and are truly interested in their plight, even if the problem is with you. When responding, always use their name in the sentence. This makes them feel important, and may lessen their anger even more. Responses like. “Lisa, I understand what you are saying.” Or maybe; “I can see where you are coming from, Lisa.” And remember eye contact! Nothing says you are interested in what someone says more than direct eye contact.

Accept responsibility for your actions.
If you actually did do something to create the problem, and the complaint is legitimate, take responsibility for your actions. Apologize. Offer reciprocity or ask them if you can do anything to make them feel better. Most of the time, people just want to be heard and apologized to.

Do not accept their gift of anger-keep your cool.
One of my favorite Buddha stories goes like this: One day a disciple came to the Enlightened One. This student was angry and confronted the Buddha. The Buddha sat quietly in meditation while his student raved on. Finally, the student asked the Buddha if he could hear him and way was he not reacting with anger? The Buddha opened his eyes and politely said; “If I do not accept your gift of anger, does it not still make it your own?” By keeping your cool and acting calmly during an angry confrontation, you will not give fuel to the fire. It takes two to tango, so if you do not armor up, the potential confrontation is merely one person venting. When in this situation, remember the other points in this article.

Defuse their anger…
By apologizing and letting them know that you understand that your actions led them to this stress. If someone is about to push you, you can either back away or confront their advances. Confronting their advances only deepens the well of discord and creates a fight, but by intelligently backing off, their aggression is immediately defused. By removing the motivation for their advance, you can defuse the situation before it gets out of hand. When you feel your anger rising in defense of your ego, immediately take a deep breath and find your center. Know that the anger and negativity within your attacker is only a reflection of what is inside of them, and not inside you. You are not the negative things this person says about you. This only makes your abuser a person that needs to be negative out of insecurity and inner fears. Forgive them, for they know not what they do or how to act in accordance with universal law.

Knowledge is power.
Know they really feel they have a reason for their negativity and aggression, but they do not know how to maturely convey the message to you. Thank them for letting you know how they feel. Let them know you appreciate them having the courage to let this matter out. Respond accordingly, but always reply out of love and respect and not retaliation, protection and fear.

The things people say may hurt our feeling, but as spiritual beings we can choose our actions to these negative situations and let it go. Your ego may want to let the person know they hurt you, but this is not the time. After the situation has been defused, you will have the chance at a later date to speak your truth. If the person is someone you whish not to speak with, a letter written from a place of love a
nd compassion is a great tool to honor what you believe.

As we walk a spiritual path, we are not immuned from the negativity of the world, but we can choose to act in accordance with spiritual law. We will always be uplifted when we choose the right action and not retaliate in defense of our egos. The Bible says the meek will inherit the earth. A Course in Miracles expands that thought by saying that the meek will take over the earth with their passive inner strength. So remember these words and the above suggestions the next time you are confronted with aggression and anger. Be passive-take the high road, and let your spirit and inner strength rule the situation.

Author Bio
Dave Ferruolo is the Author of “Connecting with the Bliss of Life: Powerful Lessons for Living a Peaceful and Happy Life.” He is a former Navy SEAL an inspirational and motivational speaker, success coach, consultant and spiritual counselor. www.daveferruolo.com

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Holiday Survival Guide

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 02:29:40 +0000

(Information on manners culled from years of syndicated columns by Judith Martin, “Miss Manners” and the example of my beloved grandmother)

Holidays are often difficult for survivors. We feel sad that our families didn’t match the big, happy Brady Bunch stereotypes we thought everyone else had. If we are preparing a feast or celebration, we get overstressed and overwhelmed. Seeing our families of origin is even worse. The secrets and undercurrents are unbearable. Someone may even try to force you to “be polite” to your perpetrator.

However we spend the holidays, disassociation, flashbacks, panic attacks, and eating problems often resurface. Stress-related health problems may flare up. By preparing ourselves beforehand, we can lessen the negative effects of the holidays

Surviving a Family Visit

You feel obligated to spend the holidays with your parents and/or other family members. You may be revisiting the place where the abuse happened. The abuser may be there, or people may talk about the abuser as if s/he is wonderful. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it!

Guess Who’s Coming to Your House

If the family comes to your house, remember that it is indeed your house. Your house, your rules. You do not ever have to let your abuser into your home. If people ask why he can’t visit and you don’t want to explain, tell them to ask him as you don’t wish to discuss it [this advice from a Miss Manners column several years ago].

If people are critical of your housekeeping, decorating, or lifestyle, they are being bad guests. When we visit people we care about, do we criticize? Of course not! Yet our relatives feel free to hurt our feelings. This is a flaw in them, not you! [During one visit to my home, Mom and Grandma were strangely silent. When I left the room, I heard them whispering to each other that they couldn't believe how nice my place was. They never admitted a thing to my face. I stopped worrying about their opinions after that!] If they don’t like your cooking or your housekeeping, invite them to pitch in and do the work to their specifications. I bet they decline.

If your relatives get nasty or try to start a fight, throw them out. If they are harsh to your children, make them stop. You are in charge of your children and no one has the right to abuse them. Children often pick up on the tension in their parents and act out (misbehave) because of it. Time out and reassurance is better than shouting, verbal abuse, or punishment. If your relatives get out of hand, threaten to call the police. But don’t threaten unless you mean it. [My family of origin is very middle class and WASP. They wouldn't dream of calling the police unless there were burglars. When my mother(nonoffending parent, in regards to incest) slapped my child against my express wishes, she refused to stop. She refused to leave. She didn't believe I would call the police until I had the phone in my hand. Then she went pale and walked out. This experience was very empowering for me. She never hit my children again or raised her voice to us. I never thought I'd have the nerve to stand up to my mother. It was the best thing I ever did!] You deserve to be respected and you have the right to be safe in your own home.

It’s a good idea to avoid serving alcohol or other recreational drugs. I also limit sugar and spicy foods. The kids react to sugar by getting hyperactive and irritable. So do adults. I limit the spicy foods because I tend to get indigestion when stressed out. During my 20’s visits, from my relatives were usually preceded by migraine and followed by days of abdominal pain. I would binge eat from the stress. While recovering I learned to keep in the house only foods that wouldn’t sicken me or trigger binges. There’s nothing wrong with serving healthy foods. If people criticize your cooking, suggest very sweetly that they go to a restaurant next time, or bring a covered dish.

Visiting Your Relatives

This is very painful. If the abuser is going to be there. I strongly suggest not going. You have the right to be safe. You have the right to never see that person again. If people who know about the abuse insist on you being in the same house as the abuser, they are absolutely wrong. If they claim you are “ruining things,” you can point out that s/he ruined things by choosing to abuse. Anyone who would rather have an abuser in the house than you, doesn’t deserve your company. This may seem harsh but it’s true.

If you haven’t told about the abuse and aren’t ready to, just say you’ve had a falling out and don’t wish to see that person. Insist that it’s too painful to talk about. I believe in telling everyone about the abuse, but only when you, the survivor, are ready to. Anyone who truly cares about you, won’t insist on you being with someone you can’t stand, even if they don’t know why you can’t stand the person.

Over the River and Through the Woods

OK, you’ve decided to visit the family anyway. The first danger is the trip to their house. If you’re too upset to drive, let someone else do it, or take a cab. If you have a partner, you may find yourself fighting with him or her. This is especially true if your parents fought on holidays and/or in the car. Discuss this with your partner beforehand so it isn’t taken personally. Play soothing music in the car.

If you have children, they may pick up on the tension and misbehave. While you can’t allow distracting behavior in the car, resist the urge to yell or hit them. This is especially true if you fought with your siblings in the car, or if your parents yelled at or hit you in the car. You may be unreasonably angry at normal kid behavior, continuing the pattern your parents set. Avoid giving the children sugary food or soda before, during and after the trip. Bring a kid’s music recording, or play soothing music on the radio. If the children misbehave, pull over and tell them the car doesn’t go until they are silent. This always works. I’ve used it on kids who were considered incorrigible. Trust me.

At Your Relatives’ Abode

Being in your family’s home will probably cause flashbacks. Even if it’s not the house you grew up in. You may feel small and powerless. Your relatives may unconsciously encourage this feeling. Use your visualizations, or whatever techniques work best for you. Remember that you are an adult now and you can always leave.

Avoid sugary foods and foods you think might make you sick. If you get migraine or other headaches, consider taking medication beforehand. Have medication with you for headaches, indigestion, or any condition you have. People often pressure us to eat foods we say are bad for us. This is bad manners on their part. It is perfectly polite for you to say, “No thanks, that food disagrees with me.” Don’t make yourself sick to please others! People will actually respect you more if you stand firm and refuse to overeat, or eat things that make you sick.

Making a Graceful Exit

Avoid alcohol or recreational drugs. Avoid people using drugs privately. If people are overindulging in alcohol or getting high on chemicals, leave immediately. You hae the right to be safe. If you have brought children, you have the responsibility of keeping them safe. You MUST take the children away immediately!

And if the abuser turns up anyway, get out of there. An unwitting relative may think they are healing the family by forcing a reconciliation. You deserve to be safe. If you’ve brought children, they deserve to be safe. You can say simply, “thanks for the lovely time. We have to go now.” If anyone objects, repeat, “we have to go now” as you leave. Keep repeating it nicely, but firmly. Leave!

Assuming everything went fairly well, the time to leave will soon come. You probably don’t want a long visit, so leave before things get too uncomfortable. Also, trust your instincts. Leave before:

the kids act up out of exhaustion or boredom
People start getting drunk or using drugs
People start an after-dinner argument [especially if this is a family pattern]
You can’t take the stress anymore.

Thank your hostess or host as above, and leave. Resist the urge to stay just a little while longer if your instincts are telling you to leave. You are in charge of your own schedule!

Points to Remember

Know that a certain amount of depression or sadness is normal for anyone this time of year. It’s OK to have feelings.
You don’t have to be the perfect Mom, Dad, son or daughter. You are a good person who deserves respect.
You can delegate work to others. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Martha Stewart is not watching over you!
Holiday expectations are never fully realized. (No one is the Brady Bunch!) The important thing is to have a decent time and to be safe.
Be good to yourself. Take time to meditate and/or worship your deity or deities of choice. Cleansing baths, smudging, grounding–whatever you do to feel grounded and purified, are necessary and you need feel no guilt for taking the time to do them.
6. Be assertive. Most of us are afraid of making a scene…starting a fight…ruining it for everyone else… In fact you can stand up for yourself in a polite, well-mannered way. The manners part keeps people from being able to object or bully you.
- You do not have to sit next to your perpetrator and it’s actually rude of people to try to force you. You can firmly and politely insist on sitting next to your favorite aunt–even if its news to her that she’s your favorite!
- You can excuse yourself from talking to anyone, or about anything, that upsets you. Change the subject, or go to the powder room, or excuse yourself to go help in the kitchen or elsewhere. If you’re not sitting at the table, “mingle.” It’s OK to say you have to go talk to someone else now.
- Feel free to take a break anytime you feel yourself getting stressed out. No one can object to you visiting the powder room.
- Remember, everybody loves to talk about themselves. If conversation is uncomfortable, ask a nonoffending relative or guest lots of questions about his work, opinions, etc. Boredom is better than the alternatives.
- If things are too uncomfortable, say you don’t feel well and leave. If you’re in your own home, either ask everyone to go home, or go to your room and let your partner deal with your family [yes, you'll owe your partner big time!]. Your mother [or whoever] may pry, or try to force you to stay. Insist that you have a headache and leave anyway. It’s true, you really don’t feel well and your family IS a headache.

What to Do When a Minor Is Abused

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 02:21:25 +0000

My husband and I owned a pagan bookstore on the East Coast, which became a teen hangout. Inevitably, one of the girls confided that she was being sexually abused. Have you thought about what you would do in this situation? Your first impulse may be to call the police. Call your local rape crisis center (RCC) or RAINN instead. Some RCCs will have a trained counselor accompany the victim to the hospital, shelter, police, or whatever resource is the most appropriate for him. (If you are required by law to report to your state’s child protective services or the police, please follow the law. This advice is intended for nonprofessionals only.)

Never try to force an abuse victim (or adult survivor, for that matter) to give details, or tell others. Sexual abuse victims are usually embarrassed and ashamed. Let them tell as much as they are comfortable with. Assure them that you will keep their confidence, but don’t promise you won’t call the RCC. Of course, honor the confidence. Teens often won’t call an RCC. If the victim won’t talk to the RCC, talk to them yourself. They’ll advise you on the best course. Unless you are a trained therapist you shouldn’t try to handle the situation yourself.

If your first impulse is denial or disbelief, please be aware that the rate of false reporting for sexual abuse is the same as for any other crime–less than 1 in 100 in the US. It’s hard to face the unpleasantness of sexual abuse. It’s easier on adults to assume the child or teen is lying or exaggerating for attention or revenge. You may know and like the person accused of abuse. Please put the minor’s safety first. If there’s the remotest possibility that any abuse occurred, call the RCC. Don’t try to confront the parents, or the abuser. The abuser won’t admit to a felony. The family won’t want to admit the truth to themselves or others.

The Healing Grove is not intended to replace professional help. If you have been abused or are being abused, or know a minor who needs help, the first place you should go online is Rape Abuse Incest National Network 1-800-656-HOPE for immediate help. Canadians can go to Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres . Remember, abuse is never the victim’s fault.

Goddess™: On the proliferation of goddess imagery in popular culture

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 22:46:29 +0000

Goddess™: On the proliferation of goddess imagery in popular culture
by Sandra Mizumoto Posey, Ph.D.

Change happens slowly, but when it finally hits, the years of individual strides and steps culminate in a burst of change. Trouble is, change doesn’t always take effect in the ways we’d hoped.

When the “goddess movement” was birthed out of feminism in the early seventies by groups of women passionate about both political and personal growth, it started with small circles of women determined to use magic as a tool for change. Leading figures during this decade included such notables as Zsuzanna Budapest, Shekinah Mountainwater, and Starhawk. The Wiccan religion, which was first birthed by Gerald Gardner in the mid-twentieth century, had grown into a viable alternative religion in both Europe and America. As one of the first modern Western religions to worship a goddess as well as a god, it was a logical starting point from which feminists could build their new faith. Wicca formed the skeletal structure of the new women’s religion, including seasonal rites and the use of magic, but was altered in ways that made it truly different. Some continued to include male god imagery, but a significant variant not only focused solely on the goddess but made it a women’s mystery religion where only women attended the rites, only women were taught magic, and seasonal rites became inseparable from the cycles of a women’s body as she moved from pre-menstrual maidenhood through her post-menopausal crone years. This sect came to be known by several monikers, such as Dianic Wicca, Dianic Witchcraft, and simply “goddess religion.”

One of the primary sacred narratives of Dianic Witchcraft was built upon the idea that in civilizations past women held higher status than contemporary society and was only lessened when matriarchy gave way to patriarchy. Built upon archeological finds of female statuary interpreted to be goddesses, the idea was birthed first by scholars but only became the foundation of new religious movements when the idea had gained a foothold in feminist circles. Many of the scholars (such as Marija Gimbutas & J.J. Bachofen) who presented these ideas do not find currency any longer with most academics. This development has parallels with the larger Wiccan movement, whose own sacred narrative includes the idea that it has a direct linear connection with pre-Christian European witch-cults (as proposed by Margaret Murray), an idea which contemporary academics have long considered unfounded. However, whether or not the idea of matriarchy is in fact a viable and factual history is beside the point. The role these ideas play among contemporary Dianics and Wiccans is as sacred history, a potent symbolic web upon which ideas for a new worldview and societal change can blossom and grow. Key factors of this different society for both groups include empowerment for women and a more symbiotic relationship with nature.

Witches of either sect understand that there is magic that happens when symbols become manifest as reality in the form of tangible objects. First it is only within the realm of the groups that birthed them - jewelry and adornments with representations of goddesses and magical symbols, bumper stickers, books on nature religions, etc. - until the symbols, if not always the idea behind them, seep into a wider cultural milieu. Items such as those mentioned above move from esoteric mail order catalogs and small metaphysical shops into the women’s studies or occult sections of larger bookstores (in the case of books) or museum gift shops (in the case of deity statuary or jewelry). Spell candles now find their way into gift shops of every sort. Still, even these things are perceived by the larger public as fringe items - possibly even with satanic implications (in the case of pentacles, for example). A lack of interest may even result in their falling below their radar at all. Then, arriving with a force that makes it seem almost sudden, despite the slow trickle over several decades, goddess symbolism is everywhere. “Good Witches” have become stock characters in TV dramas from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” to Aaron Spelling’s “Charmed.”

In high end beauty catalogs and stores we find Charmed World’s spell-casting kits that come with items such as “Wash that man out of your hair” shampoo and conditioner, Eau de Fortune money-drawing fragrance designed to release your inner tycoon!” and “Temptress” bubble bath in hot pink containers. The contact page of their website bears this caveat:

CharmedWorld is not affiliated with any organized religion. Rather, it is our belief that there is magic within all of us. We hope that our whimsical products empower people to be proactive in their lives and, at the same time, have some fun. We would also like to stress that our products cannot be used to bring harm to any one, nor to make any one act against their will. Have fun! And, most of all, have a “charmed” life!

The text above and at various places on their website suggest Wiccan influence without being explicitly stated. These pink potions are still in the broomcloset with regard to their inspiration. Wiccan influence can be seen in the “harm none” ethic voiced above as well and in the text of one of the spells: “I beseech thee, dear Goddess, let it be true. So be it!”

Despite their assertion that products cannot be used to “make anyone act against their will” their descriptions for their spell kits belie their stated ethics. The Tie the Knot magical spell, for example, bears this description:

Would your man rather have a root canal than discuss your “future”? Do weddings make him comatose? Does he cringe everytime you pass a jewelry store? Help him lose those ball-and-chain blues, cast this spell to get to the “I do’s.”

Less explicitly witchy and even more mainstream is Jacqua Girls “Goddess Gathering Kit.” According to their website, Jacqua Girls products has “distribution to more than 2,000 prestige gift shops, specialty and department stores in the United States, England, Canada, Germany, Scandinavia, France, New Zealand, Japan and Hong Kong.” Package details state:

Get all your goddess girlfriends together for a night of rituals, and beauty to bring out the best in your life. Includes for 4 people:
o Juturna Aromatherapy Spray
o Isis Jasmine Incense
o Kali Herbal Foot soak
o Gaia Clay Mud Mask
o Aphrodite Jojoba Lotion
o Wish Boxes
o Hestia candle
o Bindis
o Henna Tattoos
o Invitations
Women have been gathering for thousands of years to share in story-telling, ritual, beauty, and bonding. In this fast-paced world we seldom take the time to gather in this ancient way. This kit was created to encourage you to gather with your friends for a meaningful and memorable time and discover your true goddess potential. So may it be!

Here again a Wiccan influence can be detected in the phrase “So may it be” and the names of popular goddesses, but otherwise the kit makes no mention of spirituality. Instead, the intent is to “discover your true goddess potential.” As goddess imagery seeps further and further into popular culture, the word goddess begins to shed its religious implications and seems to connote beauty with a liberal dash of female bonding thrown in. Here, we make wishes, not magick. Dark and powerful Kali is relegated to soothing tired feet.

The Go Goddess game also doesn’t make any mention of magic or religion (though they do refer obliquely to spirituality and include “chakra-colored candles”), but does borrow a phrase from Dianic Witchcraft, paraphrased prominently on their website: “What does a goddess look like? Look in the mirror. You are a goddess.” Below this, the creators state that the Go Goddess game is:

. . .an enriching catalyst to realize our dreams, recreate our lives and fulfill our unique potential.By bringing women together to share life’s experiences, Go Goddess! is a great way to connect with friends, make new ones, and realize the goddess that’s blossoming within each of us.

There are no right or wrong answers, and no judgments. Go Goddess! is a concept for living, a spiritual oasis that bathes you in positive, supportive energies, and inspires you to be the best you can be - to be the best mate, mother, sister, daughter, lover and friend. That’s what we all want, isn’t it?

Unlike the Jacqua Girls kit, the Go Goddess game leans more heavily toward female bonding and empowerment than beauty. This is pop psychology with a Goddess twist rather than either religion or cosmetics, but it seems clear that our beloved goddess is destined to attain pop culture saturation as a synonym for beauty - hairless beauty.

The most audacious use of goddess imagery is without a doubt the Gillette Venus Razor for women. The television commercial for this product pans over dozens of svelte women in white bathing suits kicking their smooth hairless legs to the pop tune lyric “I’m your Venus.” The close-up of the razor itself reveals a handle shaped to look like a woman’s body with her arms raised above her, much like the Nile river goddess. The slogan for this product, “Reveal the Goddess in You” (which is, by the way, trademarked) suggests that the word goddess, here, refers to a woman finally free of all that unwanted body hair.

As much as we want to believe in symbols as archetypes that shape our consciousness as a species, symbols evolve and meanings change. The fact of the matter is that once the meaning has changed, it loses some of its power even for those who embrace it. The use of the swastika by the Nazis has never regained its luster. An extreme example, to be sure, but the goals of feminist witches have never been modest. They seek to change the world for the better, but unfortunately much of the world does not want to change with them.

Document Copyright © 2001 Spiritualitea.com & Sandra Mizumoto Posey, Ph.D., author of Cafe Nation: Coffee Folklore, Magick, & Divination (Santa Monica Press, 2000). This article may be reproduced as long as no changes, additions or deletions are made to the text. All the information in this paragraph must be included on the document whenever it is distributed or reproduced.